Boys Night In
by PhoenixAlthor
Summary: What started off as an innocent game of cards, soon descends into a drunken game of Truth or Dare. What could possibly go wrong?


Another little something I came up with for the Loot Crate Giveaway. Prompt used I Dare You.

Reviews are greatly appreciated.

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Ok, so this night hadn't gone exactly to plan. Kaidan was initially going to take this rare break to finally get caught up on some reports that he needed to finish for the Council. Who knew that being a Spectre would involve so much paper work. How Shepard did it, he didn't know. He had sat down with the intention of getting to work and then James came sauntering in.

And after much persuasion (well not _that_ much if he had to honest), he found himself in the lounge playing a 'friendly' game of poker. Kaidan liked to think of himself as pretty good at the game, not an expert by any means, but not bad. That assumption quickly changed after about ten minutes though. Man, James could play! Kaidan pulled out all the stops, his best poker face, bluffing, the works. Nothing. And nothing was pretty much what he ended up with. Kaidan had a belter of a hand and thought finally he would beat the man opposite him. However, BAM, James still had the better deal. And it was all over. The icing on the cake? Shepard just happened to walk in at the exact moment of his defeat. Talk about embarrassing.

However, that was a good couple hours ago now. In a show of good faith and something to soften the blow of defeat, James had decided to share his bottle of tequila that he had stashed away. Kaidan had never been a fan of that particular drink, but accepted the offer anyway. Technically they weren't meant to have alcohol onboard, but considering the high risk of their current mission and the fact that any one of them could be dead tomorrow, he had no problem turning a blind eye to the contraband.

That friendly drink between the two of them soon turned into a party as more people turned up. Garrus, Joker and Cortez had caught wind of what was going on and decided to join in. Joker even brought some of his own beers. Apparently Tequila didn't agree with him. Garrus also brought with him some dextro-alcohol, Jikler. Some sort of Turian whisky.

"... and the penguin says, 'He's not an eggplant. He's retarded!"

Kaidan tuned back into the conversation as James was getting to the punch line of his joke. Kaidan swore that Joker actually snorted some beer out of his nose and James clutched his stomach he was laughing so hard. Kaidan didn't have a clue what was going on as he hadn't being paying attention and only caught the end of it. However he wasn't the only one not laughing.

Cortez stared at James and just shook his head, "Now that is just offensive."

"Oh come on, Esteban, it's just a joke," James spluttered out in between spasms.

However Garrus just looked confused. "What's a penguin?"

And for some reason that set James and Joker off all over again. Garrus did not look amused. Sometimes they forgot that Garrus was an alien and didn't know certain human things.

Kaidan took another swig of his tequila and lemonade and over the rim of his glass looked at the two idiots sitting opposite him. They were crude and a little offensive at times, but they were his friends and goddammit if that laughter wasn't rubbing off on him. It must have been the alcohol, but Kaidan found himself roaring with laughter along with them. Even Cortez joined in and he swore that he saw Garrus' mandibles twitch in amusement too.

When they had all calmed down, James looked at them all with a wicked gleam in his eye, "Hey I've got a great idea." Oh dear, this was not going to be anything good, not with the way James was grinning at them all. "Let's play a game of truth or dare."

Cortez groaned and buried his face in his hands, Garrus looked mildly interested and Kaidan had to admit that it could be somewhat fun.

Joker however perked up. "Ooh, his could be interesting."

"No, no it will not," Cortez said as he emerged from beneath his hands, "You should never play this game with James. Ever."

"Aaw, Esteban, you chicken?"

"No, I've just played this game with you before and I know how it goes."

Joker looked as if his birthday had just come early as he was practically jumping up and down in his seat. Honestly, he really was a small child at heart.

But Kaidan was curious. He used to play this with some of the other kids back in Brain Camp. It was fun. Sometimes a little embarrassing, but still good fun. And surely James couldn't be _that_ bad? So he just shrugged and said, "Sure, I'm in."

They all looked to Garrus who simply said, "I'm game."

"Esteban?" James looked at Cortez with a pleading look.

Cortez sighed, and with a slump of his shoulders, said, "Fine."

"Excellent!" James said. He leaned forward in his seat and looked at every one of them in turn before saying, "Ok, so some ground rules. One, if you choose truth, you MUST tell the truth. Never be tempted to lie. I will know." James paused for a moment to let that sink in. "Two, if you pick a dare, no matter what it is, it MUST be done"

"What if we refuse?" Garrus asked.

"Then you will have to do a forfeit. And that is not something you want to do."

"What does it normally involve?"

"Forfeits are completed not tonight, but tomorrow in full public view of the entire crew," James looked to Cortez as he said this, grinning manically. "And believe me, that is not something you want to do."

Kaidan looked to Cortez and noticed that the other man was blushing furiously. Kaidan raised an eyebrow at him.

"Don't ask," was all Cortez replied with a shake of his head.

"Alright, I'll start!" James said rubbing his hands together. "Cortez, truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Aaw, you wimp," James said pouting. "Well I suppose we can start off easy. So, who is your celebrity crush?"

Cortez starting blushing again. "I believe you already know that answer, Lieutenant," he said in a small voice.

"Yeah, but now it's time to share with the rest of the class."

Sighing, Cortez revealed the truth. "Harry Loper."

"No way!" Joker exclaimed, gesturing wildly with the hand holding his beer, causing it to spray all over the table. "That game show presenter? The one with the moustache and wig?"

"It's not a wig!" Cortez retorted.

"It so - "

"Ok, calm down you two," Kaidan interjected before the argument could go any further. Huh, he never would have thought that Loper was Steve's type. It's amazing the things you learn about your friends. Now the game show's assistant. That was another matter entirely. She was lovely. Long dark hair and a big -

"Alright, laugh it up, Joker," Cortez interrupted Kaidan's train of thought. "Now it's your turn. Truth or dare?"

Joker sat there for a little while contemplating his answer. He sat in his seat silently, put his elbows on the table, steepled his fingers and rested his chin on them. At last, with a serious expression on his face he replied, "Dare."

"Oh, ho, ho!" James shouted.

"Calm down James," Cortez raised his hands and waved him down. "This one is my decision. I will come up with a suitable dare for out illustrious pilot."

Joker was looking a little nervous now. "Now remember I'm delicate. So nothing, you know, strenuous."

Kaidan smiled at Joker. He had a feeling he was going to enjoy this whatever Cortez came up with. After all, Steve had played with James before, so he probably knew some good dares already.

"Ok, so I'll go easy on the first dare," Cortez looked at Joker. "Sing us a song. Something catchy. And don't be all half assed about it. I want you to give it some gusto."

For a moment Joker looked absolutely horrified. But he recovered quickly, and with a slight clearing of his throat, he started to sing. 'Your Hot Strong Love' was his song of choice. At first he was quite nervous and started off quiet, but as he got further into it, Joker let go of his reservations and was belting it out like nobody's business, using his empty beer bottle as a microphone.

And he was actually not too bad at it. Kaidan had never heard Joker sing before and was pleasantly surprised. When he finished they all burst into a round of applause and Joker bowed do his adoring fans from his seat.

"Alright Alenko, your turn," Joker turned to him once the noise died down. "Truth or dare?"

Kaidan had to think about that for about a second. But it didn't really require much thought at all. There was no way he was going to take a dare off Joker. Surely the alternative was a safer option? "Truth."

Joker grinned evilly at him. Kaidan was starting to feel rather nervous now. There wasn't a lot that Joker didn't know about him. They were friends and they talked a lot about themselves. However, he supposed there was one thing that he still kept quite close to his chest. Kaidan was getting really worried now.

"When you and Shepard are having some of your _alone_ time," Joker started with a smirk, "which one of you is the dominant in bed?"

Oh god.

Kaidan couldn't move. He moved his eyes around the group and noticed that they were all looking at him, silently awaiting his answer. This was something far too personal. But with all eyes on him, he had to say something. How would he word it though?

However, he was obviously taking far too long as Joker burst, "Come on, I've been dying to know. I've got a theory, but come on! Who takes charge?"

Kaidan looked at his friend in disbelief. "Really? You've actually put some serious thought into this?"

"Well yeah," Kaidan looked round in surprise at Garrus spoke up.

Kaidan let the silence descend again as he contemplated what he would tell them. And he had to give them something as he was sure the forfeit he would have to do would be far, far worse. With a sigh he conceded to his friends eager stares. His heart was beating madly and he could feel a blush creeping up on his cheeks. "I take charge."

The table exploded. "I knew it!" Joker cried, cackling with joy.

Then came the barrage of other questions, but Kaidan was no way going to divulge any more information. Shepard was going to kill him as it was.

And that was how the night continued. The drinks continued flowing and James took a dare where they all re-located to the kitchen and watched him eat some raw eggs. What animal they were from nobody knew. James didn't seem to care though as he gulped them down. Kaidan felt a bit green after that. That was certainly something that he couldn't have done. But to James' credit, he was keeping those eggs down. He really didn't feel like explaining to Shepard the next day why the mess hall smelled of vomit.

Back in the lounge, it was James' turn to hand out punishment. That was how Kaidan saw it now. This game was brutal. Especially with the addition of copious amounts of alcohol. His crew mates' inhibitions had clearly flown right out the window.

"Garrus, truth or dare?" James directed at the Turian.

"Dare."

Wow, Garrus was feeling brave, Kaidan thought. Previously he had only gone for Truth, staying on the safe side. The Turian did look a little worried, but the alcohol was obviously affecting him as he didn't back down and just waited for his doom.

James had a wicked grin on his face. Oh dear this was not going to be good. He leaned forward on the table and looked Garrus right in the eye. "I want you to go up to Shepard's cabin and steal a piece of underwear, come back down here and wear it on your head for the rest of the night."

A stunned silence fell while James sat back in his chair with a smug look on his face. Cortez shook his head and Joker grinned like a maniac. Kaidan however was completely taken aback. What? Did he really hear James correctly? Was he really daring Garrus to steal Shepard's underwear? This was crazy. He looked to the Turian in question. Garrus just sat there, stock still. The only movement came from his mandibles which were twitching furiously.

At last he spoke in a slow, steady voice. "Let me get this straight. You want me to go up to Shepard's private cabin, break in, go through her drawers and steal a pair of my commanding officer's underwear. All while she is sleeping in the same room?"

"Yes."

"Mmm."

Garrus looked like he was seriously contemplating it. Kaidan was about to say something. Surely this was going a bit far? But before he could open his mouth, Garrus stood up, downed the rest of the whiskey that was in his glass and walked confidently out of the door.

The room erupted in noise then. James and Joker cheered after the Turian while Cortez put his face in his hands and groaned. Kaidan didn't really know what to do with himself. He was still in shock. Both at the dare and the fact that Garrus seemed to going through with it. He took another large gulp of his drink and prayed that Shepard would never, ever find out about this.

Five minutes later, the door to the lounge whooshed open. Garrus stood there holding up a pair of black panties and looking incredibly proud of himself. James and Joker whooped and cheered as Garrus sat back down in his seat and placed said underwear on his head.

Kaidan looked on in a mixture of shock and pride. The fact that Garrus had done it was admirable, but it was kind of disturbing that the Turian was sitting there with a pair of his girlfriend's pants on his head, while looking like he had just won a great battle.

Though he had to admit it really was quite funny. He laughed along with the rest of them as the hilarity of the situation hit him. Oh he really hoped that Shepard never found out about this. But hopefully he could put the pants back later on with Shepard being none the wiser. At least he didn't have to hack his way into her cabin.

"I hope you haven't cheated and they really are Shepard's," Cortez spoke up. "And not from Joker's secret underwear stash."

The group roared in laughter and Joker looked affronted. "Hey, that's not fair. My secret places are well hidden. No way could anyone find them."

The laughter only got louder and Kaidan wasn't sure if Joker was kidding or not. It was difficult to tell with him sometimes.

Then all of a sudden a cold draft entered the room as the door to the lounge slid open once again. Whether it was from a coolness coming in from the hallway or from the sheer look from the person standing in the doorway, he didn't know. Maybe it was both. The laughter died on everyone's lips as they saw Commander Shepard stare at everyone there with her icy gaze.

Kaidan felt his stomach drop as she took in everything around her, from the discarded cards on the table, the five inebriated men, the alcohol and then lastly to Garrus who was still sitting there with her underwear on his head. The Turian looked at Shepard like a deer caught in the headlights. The silence was deafening.

Shepard stood there for a few more seconds and then made her way slowly over to Garrus. He flinched as she stopped directly in front of him, "These are mine I believe," she said as she plucked her pants of his head, and Kaidan swore he saw her lips twitch into a smile as she turned around and walked back out the door.


End file.
